If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
