he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
