when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There r osticjed everywhere
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
