Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
