I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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