Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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