Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize