Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
And then he peed in my hair
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