Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
