eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
