I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
