i don't like sucking hair
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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