the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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