My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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