I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
