how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
