She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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