sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
