idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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