She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
whose ass print is on the piano?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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