its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
