just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
