Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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