My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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