Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
