see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
