apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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