I smell stomach acid.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
