i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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