if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
