So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sext me about skeletons
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
