can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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