U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
