dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
