i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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