you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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