Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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