I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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