I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
