i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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