Yo dont text me then not text me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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