How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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