Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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