ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
