I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Boobs are out for the taking
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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