I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
