you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
