We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
