I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
