i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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