I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
