my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
