Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
