Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
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Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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