Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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