i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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