I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
