best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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