and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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