what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
