OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
