he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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