I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
