my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
