yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
