I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
