So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
